I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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