apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
sex in a hospital.. check
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Randomize
