I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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