Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
