They should really pass out barf bags in church
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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