I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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