I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
