my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
