my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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