I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
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The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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