maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
