def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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