Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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