I am puke
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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