how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
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You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
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You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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