I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
