i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
