Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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