margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
