i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
