Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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