my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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