I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
