It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Green mimosas i think yes
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
