The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
