Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize