yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
