We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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