Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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