This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
