If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
