I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
