Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
When are your genitals available?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
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