i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
