Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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