dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
