Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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