where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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