I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
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