mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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