You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
