I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
