you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
