Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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