i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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