i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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