he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
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i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
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