Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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