is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
