nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
