also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Randomize
