alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
