I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
