I like to think it a success when the cops are called
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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