i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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