my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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