I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
