If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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