glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
