walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
