my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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