Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
