I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
