I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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