So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
