theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
