Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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