You just made me feel so damn special
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
