I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
