i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
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Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
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Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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