Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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