but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
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I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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